Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts

Sunday, 16 February 2014

The Last Love



+Amrutha T  was not the first girl I loved. If she had been I might never have realized how special she is. In a way all my past failures were a prequel for this moment of truth. A series of necessary failures for making the one right choice.


Thursday, 19 December 2013

Beautiful Mornings



These mornings I have come to love, they have remained the same but then they are a constant reminder of the one thing that has not changed with us. Even when the hair fell and the skin wrinkled and as the small golden ring slowly bit into our flesh, this has not changed, these beautiful mornings, slowly waking up from the clutches of sleep and feeling that warmth of love clinging to you. It is as addictive as it will ever get with love, it is as much love as one can ever take. It is love and love alone and one can never seem to have enough of it.


Living and loving are not one grand expedition nor is it a luxury cruise. There will moist certainly be luxuries along the way, there will be meadows with green grass and beautiful flowers, there will be the wonderful music of brooks and the solidarity of woods. Even if it turns out not to be luxurious it will most certainly be happy. But that will not be all that is to it, there will storms and there will be dark clouds that slowly crawl its way over the marvelous dreams that we so incipiently weave. Even while as I was writing these wonderful words of love I am scornful at my lovely wife for she just bugged me insipidly. For she must know what I am doing and is convinced that whatever it is that I am doing, I love it more than her and this time she may very well be right.


Every fight revitalizes the relationship, you fight and you get it out of your system. Then you make up, apologize and make slow and passionate love as if you two where separated for an eternity. That is how you make it work and make it last, the fights and the thrown China is as much part of this voyage as the reckless careless love that we inspire. But one thing must be remembered not all fights are meant to be won some are to be lost as others are to be won, because your loss your victory as well.


Now are you wondering what has all this to do with the beautiful mornings I was earlier describing? Each of those mornings is a rose and they have their thorns. Every morning as you wake, as you glance at the angelic face, with eyes closed, face calm and a small unperceivable smile hanging on her luscious lips one must realize that it is love that is sleeping with you love that is both beautiful and thorny. Slowly when you kiss her temple and take in her scent, gently as you press her to you and feel in you, her heart beat that is the beauty of life that is love. When in your dreams and in your passion your heart beats as one and when every morning at the sight of that woman your heart skips a beat, that is love. And such love is made with great patience and utmost care.


PS: I no longer scorn at her but has a smile on my face that says that I can't be angry at her long enough and at the first sight of her when I sneak out of my study, I will embrace her and look into the beautiful eyes of hers, I will kiss her on her soft lips just like our first kiss and the many first kisses hence. That is our love unspoken but forever expressed.




Monday, 2 December 2013

The Kiss



A small poem that I wrote for a past post and that was rediscovered now.


The day was dry, moments wary,
and then there was the kiss.
The sun shone and clouds gone,
and there was the Spring
Butterflies had come, birds sang
and then there was the KISS.


Read the whole article about the kiss here The Story of a Kiss

Tuesday, 5 November 2013

In Her Beautiful Eyes


Everything I know of that day I know from the myriad reflections it casted on her beautiful eyes. Everything thing about that day I remember not from sensing but from watching shadows it casted on the deep abyss of her eyes. That is where I was looking, that is all where I could bring myself to look, they were insidious like the fire was to the moth, captivating, entrancing. I am sure a million stars twinkled that night for eyes they out sparkled the finest of diamonds. What I did that day what I said that day, a different being of consciousness did for I was too busy witnessing the miracle that she was.


As I held out my hands to the open car door, I first saw her legs, with the freely flowing tunic caressing her smooth skin and soon enough a delicate hand came resting on my hands and a smile on my eyes. I was transfixed in that moment in time and a part of me shall forever be. She held my hands, trembling yet firmly holding on to mine as we ascend the stellar stairs. There was on her lips the most fabulous of smiles, one that befitting of the princess she was. Slowly we were shown to the dimly yet intoxicating lit tables placed near the dark waters of the pool that reflected the whole of heaven above and that which were ours to be taken. The dim yellow flickers of these half dozen candles played on her face the most coquettish of dances, seductive and sultry they suavely moved. A vision so serene you see but seldom in life that the mere sight of such paradisiacal beauty stops all of time and nature about it. I knew the light smile that have had strayed on to my lips and was slowly creeping into my eyes which but now filed with an almost animalistic desire. 


I think there was a man singing a beautiful European melody that may have ones made love bloom in the hearts of many a lovely princessess, I cannot vouch for his being there but the music I remember. I remember because of the subtle moments she made in lieu to the rise and fall of rhythm. There was wine I remember the red liquid creeping onto her flawless scrumptious lips, they say they twitched under it's spell I remember. 


I remember talking to her and I remember kneeling before her moments later. I know I was transcribing my heart to her in not the most eloquent English I have mastered. I remember stumbling and I remember stammering, I remember my agonizing search for words, in moments when they seem elusive like the mystery of the heavens. I remember the sole stone on a solitaire and the teary diamond that formed in her eyes. I remember a feeble dampness on my hands and a feebler still response. I remember hearing my heart beat so loud that they were both deafening and horrifying . I remember the deafening silence and the moments when time stopped agonizingly still. I remember the feeble nod and the ring move slowing as our settled on her hands. I remember the taste of her lips seasoned with tears.



And that was the platinum moment of our love.

Saturday, 12 October 2013

Lost


Stranded in the crowded Island, Often I find myself alone.
Staring at the starry water that knows not malice.
True its heart it shows me my wet eyes and the damp face,
It knows not my heart and cruel in disposition it stands.
Yet it tells me a tale of lost hearts and valor.
It tells of battles frivolously fought and lost for no reason.
I stare and stare back at me does the truth.
That I stand alone in a crowded island, Stranded I stand.
Sitting under the palm tree, On its lofty sand beaches,
I realize I wrong the boat and the voyage.
Yet marooned I should not be for my crimes.
In passion of utmost carelessness they were done.
I live not that life of moderation and revel in flaming passion do I,
The sin of such life is the peril of loneliness.
Over the expanse and adrift in its care is a boat.
A boat that I have missed for all that that was not to be.
Burned in the high flames of vanities passion was the plank.
And lost was the ride that was only mine to ride.
In this paradisaical expanse I stand, falsely wronged.
I stand stranded on a crowded Island, forever alone.
Destined am I to the case of invisible bars, 
Of lost dreams and careless passion.
Destined am I to this lonely abyss,
Of very slow decay of perpetual loneliness.

Friday, 5 July 2013

Oh! My Lovely Lass


Oh! My lovely lass, why don’t come sit by my side and lay your head upon my lap. Let me rock you to sleep and ever so slowly to the world of a million dreams. Why don’t you tell me your weary day and I promise thee that I shall listen with all my heart. Of all the people in this world so wide, I for one know that there are times when you look not for advice and opinion but an understanding shoulder to rest your heavy head.


It may not be always that I am the ideal husband, but for the wonderful wife that you are, I sure will work my way up there. For a lass so lovely like you deserve but the very best and the best alone shall suffice.


Oh my Lovely lass, tell me of all the vistas that you have seen, the people you met and the life you experienced. Let us be that teens again, who sat on a mossy rock by the ravishing sea and talked of all the wonders under the sun, the moon and the million stars. Let me bet that guys who used to listen to your ever heart beat and who reveled in the rhyme of your breath. I confess to the time that was once, when my very existence clang onto thine like a drowning man to straw.


Oh my love, tell me your tale and do fill those many a blank pages that I in my mindless slumber missed, I promise thee to miss not another page of our wonderful saga of love, I will with religious adherence etch every word of our life to be in the beautiful script that ought to be. Oh my love this I promise.


Oh my dear, do come and sit by my side, lay you dainty head on my lap, let me cajole you, let me relish you, Oh my love be here with me as if you knew that I belonged to thee.


Oh my love, look at me like you used to look, your eyes so moist and dreamy. Let me behold the love, the love know has not died, not yet.


Wednesday, 3 July 2013

The Plucking of the Daffodil


There was once a little daffodil,
Leaving beneath the great oak tree,
Who was also her dear uncle Bill,
Under his shade she dreamt a life free
Of chasing her dreams, ever so many.

Under the million stars, her dreams she kindled,
Of the faraway lands and knights in shining armor,
There she lay awake, night after night so splendid.
She had a smile to stop a king and humour,
A pretty face too to match.

Every night she dreamt of many a great things,
Of singing to the birds in early mountain dawn,
Of kissing the queen and of donning her mighty crown,
Of touching a prince and forever be in him gone,
But alas that was not so to be.

One fateful day came the great merchant doom,
He asked Uncle Bill so artfully for his dear little niece,
Many a great things awaits he said, not a drop of gloom,
For this beautiful daffodil would make a garland for ladies fair and nice,
Promised him of a place so fair, and all that’s good for his little niece.

The lovely little daffodil wept and wept and wept all right,
“I am so young, yet so tender for my dreams be forever crushed,
It is too early for me, to lose all of life from sight”
She pleaded and begged, but yet her opinion away was brushed,
Oh dear, Oh our poor little daffodil.

Her dear Uncle Bill did seldom put up a face so stern,
Pointed at his niece and said in a voice ever so hoarse.
“I wish only well, my dear little child, all I wish is you not burn
For you are to me precious as the short king’s mighty horse”
I wish only good and all the glittering glory to you.

I know of your dreams, so high and mighty,
Of wandering the worlds and of the royal garden,
But you are only a daffodil and take that not so lightly,
I am old and weak and with you future laden,
This is for you good my dear little one.”

On the day of the great plucking, came the merchant doom,
She was plucked ceremoniously, our little miss daffodil,
No more a miss but ever so young and yet to bloom,
She cried so hard that night and lost was her dreams and will,
Only to wither away in the dark shadows of an alley way back.


Monday, 18 February 2013

My Long Love (His) Story : The Tale of January




‘The Beginning’ or as I like to call it ‘The Tale of January’

There are no preludes, no forwards and certainly no prologues. But maybe, just maybe I will add an epilogue. Sure I will add an epilogue. How hard can that be? Right? So here is my little long love story from the beginning, I mean from the very beginning.


The first time I ever fell in love with any person or got anywhere close to being in love was at the age of ten, eleven perhaps. But even before that I was associated with girls but that can only be classified as the ones I liked or the ones my friends liked to associate me with. The problem can be rather simply be stated as I had no idea what it was to be in love. What can you expect out of a boy whose age is less than ten and all the ideas about love that he has ever had has been fuelled by movies. But when at the age of eleven I met this girl (let’s call her January), I knew it was something different and altogether ‘out of this world’. But things with January where not that easy and not to mention that I was totally an amateur in the matter of relationships. I must confess that the years that were to follow where enough to realise the rather accomplished stalker in me. But it took me over four years of conscious effort to gather the courage to speak to January. Even after that I was scared to hell of losing her by my one off handed remark. Things looked good or at least from my perspective it did to me. At the end of the fourth year I was so much into January that I and January was like… Hmm… Republic Day and January perhaps.




Then came the judgement day, the day I was to propose to her, I am not going to give you much insight into the way and manner of my proposal for the fear of being prosecuted and thrown to the deep pits in hell by the other sex in general and may be some rather too romantic males. But I did propose and I did it as sweetly and charmingly as I could, given the immediate circumstances and the strange and unaccounted seismic activity that persisted through my body the whole day. But through broken words and longs sighs and a trembling hand I did propose and was in elated to a land beyond heavens when January accepted it with the sweetest smile I have seen on her beautiful face. But fate has other plans and trust me it makes twists that makes most fighter pilots throw up. The next when she met I knew that something was wrong and she came to me, stood next to me looked me in my eyes and said “My mother says I can’t and so I can’t”. It took me some time to gather what she meant and before I could say anything she was gone and thus In a matter of less than a day my love life had experienced both success and heartbreak and with that ended the month of January and the first love of my life.


I can’t tell it was a total mayhem, but there were lessons that I could take from that one experience, of course I was too heartbroken to see anything at first and I imploded into myself for a long time and trust me February was not such a short month as it would seem to some people. My life from then took a lot of using to for my friends, but these days are the sole reason I started writing. I would never have risen had I not fallen that badly. The lessons from that one day took me over a year to learn and as each time I relieved that which is still do but with significantly less frequency, I learned a lot and I will leave it that.



The epilogue as I promised commences. One must understand that if I took the initiative to call my first girlfriend as January then there must be others to follow, Hence you need not look furlong for this long love story has a marvelous ending , one that ends in its own merit. No matter what happens and what angel one meets in his days to come the first love of his life shall forever be remembered. The days I spent dreaming of our future, the hours I waited for her sight, the seconds I spend with her and the whole world that danced to the tune of my romance. I remember each with a gratitude that is unassertable. If this story does has a happy ending, it is she who made me see it and if I never had loved January I would never have realized the love of my life when she came in friend of my eyes, I would never have understood what her smile signified and what her manner conveyed. It is with the sincerest gratitude that I remember our days or rather my days and our half a day.

Sunday, 18 November 2012

Bon Voyage, Cousin!


Cousins



I got a call a few minutes ago, it is impossible to call it a call, all it was a monologue of half a sentence long. A string of words from him and an uneasy silence on my part, that’s what our conversation was. Can I call it a conversation I am not sure, but one thing I am sure of is that the feeling were genuine, even though my response was brutal and highly prejudiced.


Before I divulge what he spoke and what its implications are, I must tell you who he is and what he meant to me in another era. He is my cousin that much I am sure you would have guessed and here is more about my cousin that you would need to know to understand our relationship and its prejudices. I am willing to write about him only because I know he will never read it and even my stupid family will never stumble upon this, it will be buried deep in my archives waiting for an occasional visit and will eventually be forgotten. I guess when it comes to my cousin my ungratefulness extends to such a level that I could not even remember his name. May be its true that when relationships are forgotten through time and when they gets buried for so long in memory even blood shall lose its flavor.


He is cousin or nephew I know not which, I suppose I never got hold of their distinctions and I sure am not in a mood to look it up now. The fact it makes no difference what so ever to anything that I have to say or what I feel. His name is Vaishak and he is the son of fathers only sister. My father comes from not a wealthy family and he climbed up the social ladder (so he claims) on his own through much hard work and perseverance, hence his crude mannerisms. His love for book is perhaps the only personality trait I inherited from him or all I want to inherit form him. But nevertheless unlike him his family was not so lucky, I am not pretty sure whether “lucky” is the right word to use.

Bon Voyage

His sister’s marriage though happy is not with someone whose second nature is to have a rainy day account. This nature of his always left them at a state of perpetual poverty, never too rich never too poor either, kind of in the in between. This though in contemporary society is regarded as unfortunate, this has preserved in them a sense of innocence that is seldom seen among the corporate animals that roam the concrete jungles. They have simple taste and even simpler lives, something to envy I guess. 


My mother has instilled in me prejudices so coarse that it took me 21 years of my life to clear the soot and look at it with any clarity of mind. Such has been the extend of the prejudices that I forgot that my father actually had a family. It was like things in a fairy tales that are too good to exist. But I must Say my mother is not a bad person but pride and ego can do terrible things even to the amiable of angels. Don’t hate my mother I beg you, she doesn’t deserve that, She was only protecting me from what she had convinced herself was bad. Nonetheless her actions deprived me from understanding life as it is in its raw form. Alienating me from people who were earthly and volatile the same. I had to learn the art of being contended at the smallest of things on my own, to cherish the wet mud that molds my feet and the sight of the rare blue butterfly or even the smell of the virgin earth being touched by the mighty rains hands. But I ended up spending one third of my life learning these things when I could have readily understood it all, It was all there just outside.



I still remember the time I had spent with my cousin, the times we bathed together when we were children in the small open bathroom with mulberry bush hanging from one side, Splashing water from the little tank that use to store the water from the well. The little garden with all the beautiful flowers and the tasty mulberry bushes. The many a wonderful evening spend playing in the faint stream that ran by the green paddy fields. I still remember the small aquarium he had, a small one, with so many little fishes in it. Nothing too fancy, no expensive fishes just the ones he had caught form the nearby stream. He had even taught me how to catch a fish with nothing but a plain piece of cloth, Alas! I had forgotten it, I had forgotten it long ago I suppose along with the sweet memories of that era.



It surprises me how much there is to tell, I never knew the faded photographs in my father’s old photo album had so much history, so many memories in it. I never knew that the characters in those pictures had a life and they were more than their innocent smiles and that they were ones very much alive. Strange what one phone call, a few minutes of someone’s voice can accomplish. I don’t want to tell anything, may be another time when I feel I am much more ready to face the truth of life.



He had called me now to tell me that he is going to Qatar, in search of a job. I am sure he got a job in there where his other uncle works, I did not so much are bother to ask what he is doing and what job he got. I did not tell him anything but I did pray for him, pray that all that is good shall only befall him and I prayed him Bon Voyage.

Monday, 12 November 2012

The Search for Love




I believe every one of us at one time or the other starts searching for love. Some go through their whole life ignoring their hearts desire just to search feverishly for what is it that matters on their death beds. Some others are truly lucky, Love finds them. Love presents itself in front of them in such lovely ways that it is impossible for anyone to ignore. Lucky Bastards. But many of us are not that fortunate yet we don’t give up, we are not undermined, we search for it with all our vigor.


Why do I love the silence of the moon,

The paradisal distance of the dawn,




I believe myself lucky when it comes to love. No, love did not show itself in front of me and knock on my door but I did not had to search much to find it an I was luckier still that I knew it when I found it. It really is true that when true love blossoms its hard to ignore and impossible to notice. It feels like the whole and everything in it comes to be revolving around that special someone. What you do and what you think, everything starts and ends with that someone.


The depth of eve mysteriously withdrawn,

Better than all the roses of late June,



One can always force oneself to love a person but that is not the true nature of love. At all times such love shall feel empty and its abysmal absence felt upon mankind? One cam always adjust, analyze and feel secure in love. Love is inherently volatile, unyielding and never shape. It is as chaotic as the moments of genesis was and so is it just as tranquil and serene as the midnight lakes. Love takes no prisoners nor ever call for peace, yet it is never the war nor the clandestine blood splatter.




The garden's breath, the orchard's golden boon,

The burning brightness of the new-mown lawn,



I had my heart broken not once, not twice nor thrice but many more a times. It has been bruised and it has been violated beyond healing, yet my heart could not stop itself from the vindictive search for love. Then came the absence, the abstinence and the stale doldrums and after all of the hells ailments came the light and came the peace.



The mossy forest-floor with beech-mast strawn,

And green trees waving in the depth of noon.




It was a smile at first and then a giggle, It was a hello at first and then serene silence, a touch then its prolonged absence, an emptiness and then the feeling of universal belonging and then the feeling of weightlessness sans hunger sans thirst. Like the vagabond clouds in the heaven his mighty and afterwards the freshness of the virgin earth at the first touch of the mighty rain.









Night hath her dreams and the lone heart its tears;

Silence and longing weep themselves to rest



Then one day in the autumnal bliss of the solitary morning, in her lovely poster resembling much mighty artists’ works and in the absence of time, space and reason I knew, I knew what is it that I held in my heart and unknowingly sans reason and logic I drew her near and sealed us with a kiss. Not a long prolonged slobbering of lust but the lightest brushing my trembling lips on her snow like cheek.




Each on the other's mild and maiden breast;

The seeking spirit sighs, the dim star hears;



Oh Bliss Eternal. This was the moment of great love that had extended many a millennia, time was not in any hurry and reason had not one bit of sand to stand upon. This was our moment and our alone and the all the earth and the heavens above were ours and ours alone. This was my moment of enlightening   and my moment of atonement. The final act of supreme love and from it came love and love only.

Distance and high devotion suit the best,

And deep as thy deep eyes the dawn appears.


Tuesday, 18 September 2012

The Bird with the Broken Wing


birds perched on a tree


This happened some time back almost during the time of the last angst autumn. In my evening fiestas I used to gaze at the horizon, I used to strain my eyes as it trailed the changing shades of the sky and merged into the darkness of the night. A particular sight awaited me every day without fail and if it didn’t I seemed deem myself a failure for the afternoon. This mellifluous sight was that of a bird, petite and cute beyond compare. With much energy it filled my evening sky with its wondrous twitter. I am from now on going to refer her as a she for I know not how to find the gender of a bird and it is always much cuter when it is a she.


She was so dainty and yet so active, flying around the sky as if in some desperate pursuit, soothing was her voice, her chatter, her far away tweets. Yet unknown to me she had a heart of lead that weighed on her. I never knew then that all her energy was just a pretend, an act of the eloped. It would be some time since then when the bird would eventually come to rest in my palms and we would share much love and many emotions. But going back to the story, by then she had made herself a humble abode upon my little cherry tree, Indeed the cherry tree was not that little but she was a bit little when viewed in the context of the behemoths that surrounded her in the nearby woods.


As days flew by like the leaves in the autumn, she and I had made an invisible connection. I would often feel like she was talking to me when I heard her distant cooing and I would feel that the eternal dance of hers was but for me to watch. True or not we had got connected in a level of existence in a realm much above the one of common understanding. She had become my pet, neither the one that was bound by the materialistic confines of a cage nor the one whose heart and thought was confined by an authoritarian lease, but my pet nevertheless.


Abstract Bird
But then it had occurred on that day when the fate stood still, as it watched an eternal criss-crossing of destinies when my little bird had got hurt by some despicable evil. Her wings had been clipped, her freedoms curtained, she fell from the sky like a stone on to the heaps of scarlet leafs. She laid there in waiting for my warm hands to cup her and carry her to the warm coziness of my home and to the warmer corners of my heart. There I did dress her would with much love and compassion as if she was my little daughter, that too quiet literally with bandages and ointments that I had. I cared for her, I looked after her and from that day forth till today we spend innumerable evenings discussing and rambling about many a wonderful things during our customary evening siesta.


But then again as she gained my heart bit by bit, I started to dread the reality that was today, an inevitable day that was not in my power to prevent, I would have been cruel and selfish in the past few days praying that she never would get better but then again this was the day for which I had cared for her, the day she could be free once again and adorn my evening sky with her tweeting and ramblings. I know she would never fly far away and I know the cherry tree will forever remain her abode but then you could never tell and this very thought had been haunting me for some time now.


But nevertheless today is here and the day must happen for our destinies were written not now but ages ago. It stood there cupping her in my arms as it ruffled around her petite silhouette. I slowly undid her band aids and held my hands up in the air and with tears rolling down my cheek and sinister thoughts haunting my mind I let her go. I watched her fly away from by hand just like she always did I could feel the instantaneous loss of weight upon my hand. My heart skipped a beat when she skipped a flap of her wings and for that one moment when she appeared to fall my heart leap. But she is the child of freedom, it is in her nature to fly and it was inevitable that she would do that. I always knew that she was destined for freedom, though it is true that I wish she would not but hers is the sky to fly and ones again as I sit back in my chair looking up at the evening sky I knew what we were and how we were to be. 

Wednesday, 22 August 2012

731 Days of Frivolous Love


Two lovers in embarce


It was not two years and one day ago that I met her. I knew her even before, In fact I might have even known her from another life. I have seen her even before that, not superfluously but even in the much simpler most straight forward sense. We were friends then and then we were better friends and now much more than just friends in the contemporary sense. But still we are friends first and anything and everything next.


Romeo and Juliet :  A paintingThe first time I met her was in my first days of college, in the most casual way, unnoticed and perturbing of each other’s existence. The first time I talked to her was in the gleaming presence of borosil glasses of the many million shapes and the vast variety of colourful liquids that it contained. Under its silent and tinted rendering of a magnificent evening was the first ever sounds greeted her in menial enquires. Then the first share the first touch, the first embrace and the first kiss and above all the first tear drop of love.


Two years back on that day lost among the wondrous celebrations how did I realized that it was to be her? That I don’t know but when our eyes met that day, then and there. I knew we were much more much more than what the earthy bodies have bounded us to be. We sue had history: a history that spanned eternities together. Her imperfections so perfectly sculpted that they fit like a hand in a glove to my imperfection. SO does my imperfections to hers. We complement and we complete and in unison we are eternal, transdential and complete.


Today all I price is her nearness all that I care for is the pungent fragrance of her aroma. Today everything is but another way to her just another step towards the ultimate union that is her and in her. Today everything is about her and about our love for one another. The one fact of the most greatest consequence today is that I am hers and she mine.  The one ultimatum is and is always is that

Lovers by the sunset


I LOVE HER.


Tuesday, 14 August 2012

Its all about Love



Hasn't it always been about love? Wonder what I am taking about? I am taking about marriages. India is a confusing country for a marriage to exist, to one side we have lots of customs and the rich cultural vibrancy that at this epitome of ethnic diversity throws about and to the other we have the largely commercialized and institutionalized gala called a marriage. Somewhere along the way I start wondering what really is a marriage about? Is it about two people in love uniting or is it just something done because everybody else seems to be doing and is it just at the primeval end a means to keep ones clan running.


The one word that describes the ‘wedding’ industry could be magnanimous; the elusive and lucrative industry has stripped Indian marriages off its essentialities and replaced them with material substitutes that corrode an institution that has long been considered scared. The sanctity of the marriage has been long lost; it has been violated and prostituted. But what surprises me the most is how people could be so blinded that they could for go what is essential and indispensible in a marriage, Love.


History is the witness when it comes to marriages in India. History bears witness to the freedom of choice and the simplicity of the great Indian weddings. Brides were respected and bridegrooms stood proud without a price tag.  What now appear to have become a largely commercialized and hyped up cultural gala and festival with much diminished  importance for the actual wedding was not always so. The advent of arranged marriages are not so clear to me but must probably they came from a group of controlling fathers eager to extend their family lineage and false prestiges.



It passes my mind how arranged marriages could ever succeed, it is incomprehensible to me how two people completely unknown, unaware of each other even to the slightest character could ever co-exist as such. At least isn’t that not a gamble? A leap of faith? Of course they succeed what choice does they have?  We live in a society that taken over by its totalitarian dystopia dictates terms and conditions on our existence. They expect us to obey and follow the crowd like buffaloes and those that dare to stand apart are either classified as philosophers or mad men. Then again I believe, this lack of choice and subjection is the one and only reason as to why such a marriage should exist, Like my friend so daringly terms it, A compromise!


Don’t for one second believe that I disagree with the fact that occasionally there comes a couple that are just perfect or so near to that place. What we call a real match made in heaven. But isn’t that just and odd chance a, a play of probabilities? Love marriages or as I call it a real marriage exists and stems from love the sole reason that appeals to me when committing to such a demeaning soc ial institution. Why else should one marry if not for love after all marriage is all about love!

Thursday, 14 June 2012

Moments of Silent Pleasure



I have read some where that love is not looking at each other for hours without end but it is looking at the horizon together. I have repeatedly failed to grasp what it meant but now things start coming to light. The fact that love has a language on its on and its synchronizes two souls that in otherwise would have nothing in common. The purpose of hope and ambition in love is simple, it serves as the bread and butter of love and it essentially distinguishes love from lust. When in love you know where you want to be now, where you want to be in one year time and where you want to be after a decade. It certainly is not planning but it certainly is a subconscious route map to where you are headed in love. Some understands it, some cherish it and some are scared the hell out of by it. Some run from it, some hide from it and some boldly face its adrenalin rush. 


Love is not what is said and written about. Love is the happiness, the silence and meaning of wordless-ness. Cherish it, embrace it and most of all dare to fall into its depth.

couple holding hands


Tuesday, 22 May 2012

The Days that I Fear


Grandson playing with his grandfather


It had happened at last, I knew it would come one day. The haunting realities of old age makes it impossible to forego. I knew it would happen it would only be a matter of time. The truth is that upsets me is not that it happened but I was not here by his side when it happened. I was not here to catch him when he fell, I was not here to sit by his side when he was lying in the hospital bed, and I was not here to take flowers and fruits to cheer him up.  It strikes me hard and I can’t forgive myself for making him be all alone when he needed me the most.


When I woke up yesterday, it was a beautiful day; a day like any other. The day was not meant to be anything other than what I have been planned. It was supposed to be an all holes barred canister of monotony but the heavens had plans that were greater than mine. When I reached home after a meticulously planned day which was executed to perfection, I was confronted with a rather off handed remark from my aunt. She enquired whether I knew about my grandfather been taken for a ‘service’.  All I could respond with was a rather confused look and a big question mark hovering over my head.

Grandfather, Great Spirit, once more behold me on earth and lean to hear my feeble voice.
Black Elk



I was to be at the receiving end of some very shocking news. While I was away in my college worrying about my petty exams a whole lot had happened here. One day my grandfather felt dizzy and almost collapsed, My mother and aunt tried sugar solution thinking that it was a drop in his sugar level, then the called a doctor who lives across the street, she came in and did some preliminaries and then they called my uncle who is a doctor and he was quick to recommend a hospital and insisted that they take him there instantly. He was admitted in Intensive Care Unit and was under observation for three days and a hoard of test was being conducted on him. All this while I was laughing, joking and partying with my friends, unaware of anything that was going on in my hostel.  I despise myself.

Grandson visiting his grandfather
Photo by     Corbis Super RF 

All my life my grandfather was there for me, when I took my first steps , when I passed my first class, when I was not able to sleep and when I was down with a fever. He would come to me from anywhere he was. Je would abandon all that was important and come to me sit by me and care for me  and now when he was sick and tired where was I? Writing exams of no real significance in life? I was doing things that I could have written at some other time and passed with the same ease. No body informed me what had happened and nobody told me that something was wrong and I did not feel it, I should have felt it when he was sick. I should have. He does so should I shouldn’t I? My grandfather had asked everyone not to tell me anything.

"...there is no grandfather who does not adore his grandson."
Author: Victor Hugo



Now I know not what to do, Should I be angry at him for not telling me anything or should I be happy that he is alright? Should I be making a tantrum about why not me? Or should I just be ‘adult’ about it. But one thing is sure if at all anything happens to him which I believe will not and I am not here by his side holding his hands during his last few moments in life I know I will not forgive myself ever.